I was accused the other day of having an Agenda. It was meant to be an insult. I took it as a necessary truth. When did society start treating the word “agenda” like it is automatically negative.

I would bet every good parent has an agenda, dreams, hopes, and lifestyle envisioned for that child to succeed, thrive, and survive this hard world.

The question is not whether we are shaping our children. The question is WHO is shaping them if we do not.

Because the world absolutely has an agenda for your child.

Social media has one. Advertising has one. Politics has one. Culture has one. Algorithms have one. Peers have one.

A parent who raises a child intentionally is not controlling. They are responsible.

A good parent looks at the world honestly and says, “I need to prepare my child for this.”

Not just academically, athletically, or socially, but spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I never wanted to raise my children simply to survive childhood. I want to raise them to withstand adulthood.

That means teaching them things the world often ignores: how to work hard, how to regulate emotions, how to recognize manipulation, how to apologize, how to stand alone when necessary, how to protect their peace, how to think critically, how to discern truth, how to rest, how to pray, and how to love people without becoming controlled by them.

That is an agenda. And honestly, it should be.

The strongest parents are rarely passive.

Farmers do not accidentally grow healthy crops. Builders do not accidentally build stable homes. Bakers do not accidentally make good bread.

Everything healthy requires intentionality.

Children do too.

A good parent studies their child carefully. What are they gifted in? What wounds them easily? What temptations might pull at them? What strengths need encouragement? What weaknesses need guidance? Parenting is not cloning. It is cultivating.

Cultivating means preparing roots before storms arrive. Some storms we know are coming and others we do not. The world is uncertain and roots help your child know where and who they are.

Eventually your child reaches an age where your voice is no longer the loudest voice in their life. That is a trench of motherhood that only parents of adult children understand and no one could ever prepare you for. Is it a crazy ask, that I pray my children find like minded adults that life them up and hold them accountable to walking straight and not enabling them to work further downhill.

At some point, they leave the house, they face heartbreak, they encounter temptation, they experience failure, they make wise choices, they make stupid mistakes, they question themselves, and they stand at crossroads without you beside them.

In those moments, you pray the values you planted with intention became roots deep enough to hold them. If that is having an Agenda for my child, then so be it.

I don’t have perfect children. I want rooted children. Because with roots I know that reminding myself that if freewill steers my child wrong that God can correct course.

Children who know how to recover, how to admit they messed up, how to get up when they fall, how to persevere, how to recognize truth, and how to carry conviction without cruelty.

I want grown adults with soft hearts and strong spines. Because the world is hard enough already.

Our job is not to make children fearful of the world or comfortable. Our job is not to guide them into mistakes. Our job is to prepare them to walk through life wisely, respecting boundaries, practicing self control and remembering the lessons of their upbringing.

To teach them courage without arrogance, kindness without weakness, and conviction without hatred. To teach them that although someone doesn’t agree with them doesn’t mean they are being rude. To raise adults who can stand firm without losing compassion.

This kind of parenting evidently is considered old-fashioned now. However, I think the world could use more of children raised by those old fashioned typed parents. Parents that have an agenda to raise their child in the light and the boundaries to protect them from poor choices, preserve their childhood as long as possible, and guide them in the way suitable for their potential to reached and for them to be the best person they can be.