Wobbly Faith Walker, Flour-Dusted Fighter: Today I am writing A Letter from the Trench
My name is Elizabeth Norton Gray. I am a Baker, Law Program Student, a Wobbly Faith Walker who is Fighting to be a Champion of Hope in a Broken World
I bake bread with my hands and study law policy with my brain. Most days I am led by my faith and heart, the kind of heart that’s been bruised, broken, and burned. The kind of burned from what was seen and eyes that ache all the way to her core and by the grace of God she still manages to reopen them every morning.
I’m not writing this from the top of the mountain. Today, I am somewhere in a metaphoric trench. In reality, I am in the kitchen where flour settles into the creases of my skin, and LSAT textbooks and FASFA paperwork clutter the same table where I feed my family. I’m tired, I’m learning, and I’m walking by faith with more limp than swagger.
But here I am. I’m showing up. I am fighting another day because if I didn’t continue the fight, I would be sad, laying in bed, because I have lost.
This world needs champions of hope. Not perfect ones, just willing ones. Ones that can hold hope for a resolution that was promised of a rescue that seeps in corruption so deep that it makes my soul bleed.
I Don’t Always Trust the System
I was listening to Tucker Carlson interview Shawn Ryan and mutual lack of trust in the government was expressed. Listening inspired this post. I study the law because I want to understand it and perhaps if I am honest, maybe, redeem it. Tho I am painfully aware I am only one imperfect human who has limited capabilities where children and Bread Baking as income are the priority. I won’t pretend I trust the systems in place but hope is the only option for me.
I’ve seen too much.
Heard too much.
Lived too much between the lines of what was seen and what was done. I am a suburban/rural mom that has seen an evil darkness at a learning institution in the United States of America. I haven’t been to war overseas but I have fought for children being exploited two miles from my house for 14 plus years . Alone. Solo. While judgement of my mental stability has been questioned causing my family unit to be under attack.
There are days when it feels like institutions and their employees are more interested in protecting themselves than protecting people and the communities they serve. There are times when justice seems delayed or denied. And yet…..
I’m still here.
Still trying to believe.
Still baking to finance my fight.
Still walking. Still up and out of bed
Maybe those that have no trust can relate.
Humans Are Not the Government
Sometimes I write what I need to hear and this is what I need to hear. Here’s the thing: the government is made of people. Broken, brilliant, biased, sometimes-burned-out people. The kind who drink too late and curse in their cars and wonder if their work makes a difference. And while I may not trust every system — I am trying to believe in the people within them. Trying. It’s hard. It seems as I get older the harder that becomes.
That belief doesn’t come naturally. It’s fought for. Because trusting when you’ve been hurt, on my level, isn’t naïve — it’s courageous. Freaking COURAGEOUS!
We need workers in our systems who remember why they started.
And we need citizens who haven’t given up on each other.
Both can exist.
Both are necessary.
Both can bring change.
Encouragement to the Skeptic
What I wish someone would tell me, on the daily is:
To the one who no longer trusts, I see you. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You’ve noticed real cracks in the government. But, please don’t let cynicism become your identity. Don’t let bitterness harden your heart. You were made to build and use mud to fill those cracks, not just to expose and critique.
Encouragement to the Government Worker
To the one clocking in behind a government desk, I see you too.
You have a choice every day: to go numb or to go noble. We need your courage. We need your conscience. We need your humanity more than your efficiency. We need you to be the good guy.(or woman)
Be the kind of public servant that restores trust just by being you.
Be the kind of leader that remembers the people in a community are not just paperwork and bottom line numbers. Be the kind of person you’d want making decisions about your own children, your own parents, and or your own spouse.
We Rise Together
I believe in the God who uses chipped pots, burnt crusts, and people who walk in faith. Though that tank is running low so here I write.
I believe in the baker who studies law by night and prays over loaves by dawn. I believe in me. I would like to not be alone.
I believe in the Faith Walker who wobbles but keeps walking anyway — because the world needs hope more than it needs polished perfection.
I need to believe in you.
If you’re reading in the middle of your faith, your burnout, your disappointment, your cynicism , welcome. The middle is where bread rises. It’s where hope grows. It’s where faith becomes real.
Let’s keep walking.
Together.